Love vs. FearRead Now
Becoming conscious of your inner landscape is no easy task. Shifting from unconsciously moving through the world to creating the life you want can be hard work. After all, that's what I help people do with my coaching. I know it's hard because I've already done the work, and it can be a bitch. It's admitting your bad habits, your biases, your laziness and your responsibilities. And then being open to and willing to change.
At the very core of my coaching—my philosophy so to speak—is to be able to look at and live your life through a lens of love instead of fear.
Living your life from fear will never benefit you, will never serve you, and will always prevent you from reaching your potential for happiness and success. But identifying that fear is the first step.
I created this diagram to further explain and to help comb out the hairball that is your emotional state at any given moment in time.
Let's go deeper in, shall we? Looking at your life through a lens of fear, you're focused on that which you DON'T have. This is also known as a scarcity mindset or a fixed mindset. Looking at your past, you feel shame, and hope that no one finds out about that thing. You feel resentment or bitterness for not being given opportunities others may have had. You feel disgust when you remember how you behaved that one time.
These things do not build confidence for your present moment; they undermine it. You feel insecure in where you are, in who you are, and how you interact in the world.
Looking toward the future, you realize that this year (this month, this week) could potentially be worse than last year, and you dread what's coming. You're frustrated at how things aren't shaping up for you. You're worried and anxious about what could be lurking just around the corner to really screw things up for you. Again, all this stems from focusing on what you don't have.
You can CHOOSE instead (and it is very much a choice, moment to moment) on operating from a base of love, focusing on all you DO have. This is also known as an abundance mindset or a growth mindset. Looking at your past, you see everything that's happened to you has gotten you to where you are right now in this moment, so you can be grateful. You clearly see all the obstacles you've overcome; you can have pride in yourself for your tenacity and resiliency. You're so much smarter and wiser now than you were before; think of all the wisdom you've gained. You can look around yourself and be content, knowing this life is a direct reflection of what you've committed to in the past. After all, if you had committed to something else, you would be leading a very different life. (More on this in a different post.)
These things naturally build a sense of self-confidence for your present self. You move gracefully and effortlessly in the world.
Looking toward the future, you have more compassion for the body you live in (as well as for the people around you) and you allow yourself to need what you need without guilt. You are patient knowing that good things are on the horizon for you, and you let yourself get excited about it.
Here's where the magic starts to happen, when you can look through a lens of love at your future and your future self. When you lead with curiosity and start asking questions like what if, and I wonder you start creating the life you want, instead of being just a recipient of the life you were dealt, buffeted along with whatever comes your way. That's why this part of the diagram has exploded beyond its borders: it cannot be contained!
Studies show that if you can create, and consequently occupy (preferably daily), the emotional state you'd be in when you get to the top of that next peak (when you get that new car, that dream job, that awesome relationship, etc.), you can not only get there faster, but you are more likely to enjoy the ride! Further studies show that happier people are more successful, make more money, are healthier and actually live longer!!!
This, my friend, is a magic recipe for success that's firmly grounded in science. If this is what you want for yourself, let's have a chat. Perhaps I can help you get there.
Thanks for reading, and good juju to you!
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